You know my name but not not my story ♥♥
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Boy can I tell you a terrible thing
Monday, May 14, 2012 || 7:33 AM
When i use to see you name appear on my phone i'd get so excited:) Seeing you was the highlight of the week and knowing you were mine was the greatest feeling in the world. But then things changed. We changed. I went to Uni and got busier. I didnt have much time to spend with you. I didnt have much energy to play with you and I didnt have enough patience to take a joke. but i still tried very hard to balance everything. I guess that was the start of everything. I knew deep in my heart we were strong. that we could get through anything and I believed it when you said you would never leave me. But then I found out you were not really sure if you loved me anymore. For months before you weren't sure. So then I thought to myself, " all the times you said you love me too, then they were all lies?" Don't i deserve to know? We could have talked it out. But i guess all this was something that would have and could have happen. You wanted space and time but you didnt have the guts to say it straight to my face so I forced myself to give it to you. In that time, I knew, it was over, it was just a matter of time. I wanted to not believe it. But i knew i will never happen. that you will never come back to fight for me the way I did when I almost lost you to that girl. Because you have lost all fight left in you, even to fight for me. It takes two hands to clap in a relationship, and what's the point of me being there when you don't want me too. In the end, you really did broke it off.
I might seem like a heartless bitch now. But i think I have some right to do so. i guess. I was having exams when you called it off. You lied to me and then out of the blue rain everything on me. How was I suppose to react. Then now, am I suppose to just forget? To say it's ok because you were having a bad period in your life? Whenever i try to say these things to you, you always have to throw my mistakes back at me. Say it as though whatever i did was worse. Maybe it's our ego. I dunno. All i know is i cannot do it anymore. Makes it seem like all i did for you was nothing.. Yes, you did come all the way to the west for me and pick me up form school, But dont you think I have done something that can be considered that good as well..? So what now?
i'm sorry but i dont think i can.
My heart is still in pieces and i still havent finished picking it up. And now you are back again wanting to pick up where we left off. With bits of my heart still on the floor you started to accuse me of not being there when you were broken, of not running after you when you left. Then what about me? who was supposed to pick me up? who was supposed to be there for me?
I can't forget. I can't forgive you. I'm sorry. I was brought up with the mentality that if someone can hurt you once,they will be able to do it over and over again and trust me, after the first time i realise how true that is. I gave you a chance the first time. and that was the last. it can never be the same cause i'm not the same person.I am not something you can discard when you dont want it and pick up with ease when you want to. We said it before, if we decided to break up, it has to be mutual. Not over the phone, sms. After a good talk. I didnt have that opportunity. I have not moved on. I'm still not over you. But i cannot be tgt with you anymore. I just cannot bring myself to. my heart is still in pieces. I have nothing else to give. i'm sorry..
you chose to break it off and not let me be by your side when you were broken. That was the biggest test..
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