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Tuesday, July 27, 2010 || 6:45 PM
I feel so much angst building up inside me.Anger for not only about the things I know I'm angry about but also some unexplained anger.
I'm angry because I feel like no matter what I do, it will never be good enough. When I do right no one remembers, when I do wrong, no one forgets. It sucks. This feeling sucks. If I could live forever I would, but I wouldn't want to do so if I have to live like this.
The problem is, I am always here. I am convenient. I don't know how to say no. I will work myself till I fall sick and no one even mutters a word of encouragement. I will push myself to my limit only to not taste the sweetness of success. Sometimes, I don't even know why I do this to myself.
Maybe it's because I'm not pretty, so I make up for it by being smart in school.. always studying to achieve good results. Let's face it, my thighs are already touching each other and I'm not doing anything about it. Why am I not born pretty and skinny.
By working all the time because money makes one happier? a temporary form of escape. But when it's all gone, not only am I left felling like how I've felt before but my bank account will be drained as well.
Over time, this angst turns into sadness I guess. The feeling of having a burden too great to handle. The feeling of hopelessness.
and..
I'm afraid that one day, you will feel like I'm not as great as i use to be.
and I'll be left alone.
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