You know my name but not not my story ♥♥

January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 December 2010 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 October 2011 November 2011 May 2012 August 2012 February 2016

As i walk down the street and notice the cars go by.
i can't help but wonder to what song they are listening to
and what is running through their minds..

i floated through the day again.
though i promised so many that i'll give it some time
my mind wandered.
not surprisingly, lingering at the hopeless and not the hopeful.
bright lights and velvet skies.
i wana touch it.
i wana feel the burn in my eyes.
i wana join them.
but i'm still here. unwillingly. resentful.

if i'm allowed a final moment,
i would chose not a pivotal moment in my life,
the one that has led me down this dusty road.
a road i thought would be laid with silver and gold.
with flowers in full bloom during spring.
and birds chirping with merry.
the heat from the sun
lightly basking me in its glory.
no.
i would have have gladly battled this dusty road a thoudans times over.
Make do without any silver and gold.
Wander with no smell of sweetness.
The silence i'll embrace with arms wide open.
and yes..
even in the cold moonlit night.
chilling to the bone.

for in that final moment,
all i want is to be extracted from this abyss i am in now.
this state of uncertainty.
Of limbo, you might say.
Of being a puppet on many tangled strings.

my mind can't take what i do not know.
because i rather battle a demon i can see with my eyes
than a demon in the dark corner of my mind.