You know my name but not not my story ♥♥

January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 December 2010 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 October 2011 November 2011 May 2012 August 2012 February 2016
















bi.. where are you?
i'm officially missing you.

Dear booboo,

I'd laugh it off but honestly, it kinda sucks and i'm getting tired of it.

1. tired of lining up in the bus lane and then some brat just boards the bus before the people who bothered queuing and gets a seat while i don't.

2. tired of people taking up the whole sidewalk as they walk with friends.

3. tired of being called fat by people who have poor character and don't know how lucky they are to even have people who they can really call friends.

4. tired of having to dress appropriately for work.

5. tired of taking the time and effort to look good for that special someone and then that person shows up late, gives an attitude and ends up ruining the moment.

6. tired of keeping all my feeling to myself for fear of hurting others.

7. tired of being nice to people who don't even say a simple thank you.

8. tired of people not appreciating me for me.

9. tired of being independent.

10. tired of saying it ok and end up crying alone at night.

11. tired of comforting myself for something that is not even my fault.

12. tired of being convenient for others.

13. tired of finding no letter

14. tired of getting rejected

15. tired of going the extra mile when no one even notices






feeling like i'm a loser.
didn't get accepted into NUS.
i knew all along that i won't get it, so i didn't put any hopes on it but i'm still sad about it cause it makes me feel like there is only a slim chance of geting anywhere now.
i hate this feeling.
i waited so long.
i prayed so hard for this.
yet i feel like i'm being punished.
don't i not deserve this?
have i done something that would rob me of an opportunity to achieve my dreams?
or is it me that is delusional? refusing to accept the fact that THAT is all i am capable of.. no matter how hard i try. THAT was my limit, my best. Too bad it wasn't good enough dinah.suck it up.
i think i died a little inside today, being back for college day and all..

people say good things come to those who wait.
but what if the wait was in vain?
it will still be bad news only later...

this.just.sucks.

NTU interview for English literature tomorrow.
what is this? i don't even take English Lit then have to go interview.
Cause i thought they meant just English -___-" LAMEXZXZ
then i'm now in this mess.
Cannot not go cause why? HAVEN GET ANY LETTER.cb.
Then again even if i go then i talk rubbish also like WHAT'S THE POINT
srsly.just.shoot.myself.

My posts have mostly been about uni apps. but i don't give 3 f***s.
i wanna rant here cause trust me i have done so to everyone around me.
i'm just so bloody annoyed.
and getting impatient.
plus feeling stupid and inferior.
not to mention it's a bit infuriating.

and iron man was worth watching:)

i just came across the blog of a girl who used to be my friend.
of the people who used to be my friends.

i saw the pictures of the girl that who to be my friend.
of the people that who to be my friends.

i saw the smile/s on the face of the girl who who to be my friend.
of the people that who to be my friends.

and it made me sick to the stomach.

I'm amazed at how these people can continue living with themselves.
Really. Some people truly can be real nasty bitches. and loving it to boot!
Can't stand to see one of their friends succeed? easy! a few lies and tadah! spotlight is yours again:) see. That wasn't so hard.
nothing more powerful than the tongue no? the best part? she convinced all your friends too.
and they believed her without any decency to even ask YOU.

The girl who stabbed me in the back.
The friends who just kept mum.
The girl who pointed fingers at me.
The friends who ganged up against me.
The girl who i used to care about.
The friends who care about me.

hah. hope one day karma bites you in the ass hard:)

rarely do i post two posts in one day but life's being a bitch today.

Already, i have problems of my own and my sis has to come into the picture.
That little brat started pointing fingers and suddenly is so touchy2 about her stuff.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME YOU TWERP.
screw you. then i won't touch your fucking shit anymore though i don't see how it
can bloody affect me.
Before you get anal, think about all the times i saved your ass and was generous enough to let you use my things you fuck tart.
Your blooy clothes are the least of my concerns now.
Your just fucking 15. cb.
How much of life do you know.
eh pls la.
you and your friends can just go fucking shoot yourself. We have enough wanabes alr.
I told you. you want something, tell it to my face.
Don't write stupid letters and tape them on the wall bitch.
who the hell is five now? you think its fucking cute is it?
dammit, it pisses me off to no end.
cb. its annoying. You tell me, i do it.
leve me annoying little shit letters, you can fucking just shove it up your ass.
Like hell, i'm gonna obey what's on the notes.
oh oh. throwing a tantrum? bitch, you see with your god dam eyes?
did i? did i? THEN DON'T FUCKING ACCUSE you shit.

so now you wana cry?
then don't play the game.
i have never screamed in your face. i have always doted on you. so you think i can't?
you have never seen how much of a bitch i can get.
you were asking for it.
don't think you can always get what you want.
your problems aren't that big a deal.
like i said. you are just 15. Don't go screwing around with people you can't handle.























phew.. image overload
Bi. u kate nape tkde pic:) hehe. TADAH.

As i walk down the street and notice the cars go by.
i can't help but wonder to what song they are listening to
and what is running through their minds..

i floated through the day again.
though i promised so many that i'll give it some time
my mind wandered.
not surprisingly, lingering at the hopeless and not the hopeful.
bright lights and velvet skies.
i wana touch it.
i wana feel the burn in my eyes.
i wana join them.
but i'm still here. unwillingly. resentful.

if i'm allowed a final moment,
i would chose not a pivotal moment in my life,
the one that has led me down this dusty road.
a road i thought would be laid with silver and gold.
with flowers in full bloom during spring.
and birds chirping with merry.
the heat from the sun
lightly basking me in its glory.
no.
i would have have gladly battled this dusty road a thoudans times over.
Make do without any silver and gold.
Wander with no smell of sweetness.
The silence i'll embrace with arms wide open.
and yes..
even in the cold moonlit night.
chilling to the bone.

for in that final moment,
all i want is to be extracted from this abyss i am in now.
this state of uncertainty.
Of limbo, you might say.
Of being a puppet on many tangled strings.

my mind can't take what i do not know.
because i rather battle a demon i can see with my eyes
than a demon in the dark corner of my mind.

CHELSEA WON 2-0
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D





BYE BYE REDS!

STILL NO LETTER:(
sucks ball.cb.
everyone ard me has gotten accepted somewhere but not me.
NOT ME!
even though i studied my ass off.
even though i made sure my grades were consistent.
even though i made sure i sent in all my applications early.
even though i prepped myself for the interview.
even though i sent in all my documents.
STILL NO LETTER

how long do i have to wait?:(
shouldn't be working in a school.
seriously, i feel stupid there.

i.can't.live.like.this.